Most moms would think I am crazy to say this (and two years ago I probably would have too), but I miss hearing my kids fight.
I miss the catastrophic messes they made together making race cars, airports and funny costumes.
I miss the constant arguing and ensuing cries.
I miss the “Mom, he said shut up to me or she hit me.”
But most of all, I miss the noise.
“Our house is now eerily quiet. A haunting silence of which is a constant reminder of our loss - of our missing son who should be here playing with his sister."
Those days when the twins would sing different songs at their top of their longs trying to see who was louder or the hums and buzzes during an epic lightsaber fight. I miss those. (And I have secretly gone into Xavier’s room and turned on a lightsaber and swung it around a few times just to hear that sound again.)
My daughter has repeatedly told us how she misses fighting with her brother the most. At first, I thought how silly that is the thing she misses most. But now as time has passed, and the quiet has not lifted, I understand her. I miss it too.
Of course at the time, I was like most parents. Those stupid little arguments were aggravating, where every second you were breaking them up again. Those days when your voice is hoarse from yelling down the stairs over and over again to tell them to be quiet. I too, didn’t appreciate the moment for how I see it now. I never would have believed you if you told me I was going to miss this before we lost Xavier, but I am still going to tell you:
Moms, if you can just take a second in that noisy moment of frustration to remember this blog and how much I miss the fighting – the noise of togetherness – then maybe it will infuse some love into those ordinarily hostile moments.
Comments